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Tuesday, June 29, 2010

4 a.m. This Morning, Chirped The Bird of Insanity

Ok, birds, I know the sky is getting lighter at 4 a.m. these days and all, but holy mother of God, could you please shut the hell up? This bird was non stop for an hour. AN HOUR. Imagine this, in high pitched angry squawking: "EEAAAGH!! EEAAAGH!! EEEEAAAAAGH!!" What the hell did this bird have to be so angry about? Seriously, it was pissed off. Some other bird must have gotten all up in its grill and it wasn't having any of it, and it wanted everything in the animal kingdom to know that it was mad as hell and not going to take it anymore.

It was just far enough away in a tree that I couldn't clearly see it or reach it with anything I could throw. But still close enough to annoy the ever-living crap out of me. It was as constant as an alarm clock, for a full hour. I don't know if birds breathe - I assume they have some sort of oxygen intake system but I can't remember my 10th grade biology right now. I'll Google it later. Anyway, if birds do breathe like we do, then this bird was like one of those musicians who practice circular breathing to keep continuous sound coming from their instrument. (Ok, well now that I've had to Google circular breathing, I might as well Google how birds breathe. (Oh, yeah! 10th grade bio is all coming back to me now ...) I totally get now why that bird didn't stop to take a breath - it didn't have to. So it just kept screaming.

I eventually got up and shut the window, pulling out the box fan that was keeping us somewhat cool with morning air. I knew this would mean we would swelter as the sun crept higher, but I needed to drown out that damn bird. But it didn't help.

So I put the iPod in its dock on to soothing New Age spa music. But alas, the bird chirped through it.

Next I put the fan up a notch to drown it out with white noise, and we needed more air anyway since I closed the windows. Still didn't help.

So I put on the "naturescapes" sound machine, set to rolling thunderstorm. STILL didn't help. That bird was bent on ruining my zzz's.

So, as a last ditch effort, I pulled out the foam ear plugs. I hate wearing these to sleep in. It's totally umcomfortable to sleep on my side with them in my ears, and once they're in, all I can hear is my own heart and lungs. And that, to me, is just freaky. I'm glad to know they're in there and working fine, but I don't need to hear them doing their thing. But guess what? I STILL HEARD THE FRICKIN BIRD!! It was muffled, it was in the way distance, behind my heartbeat and the thunder and the fan and my iPod, but it was still there. I think eventual frustration coupled with exhaustion helped me finally drift off, but I dread tomorrow morning, and the imminent return of the pissed-off avian.

1 comment:

BobbaLew said...

I see you still have a “Grady’s World” link, despite it becoming rather moribund.