I speak, of course, about people who fart on public transportation.
The bus, the train - when these people are standing and I happen to be sitting - nose at butt level!! - and I suddenly get a putrid whiff of their last meal, this really gets my goat. I'm sorry, I have been commuting this way since May, and tonight I finally reached my inhaling strangers' emissions' limit.
I sat by a guy on the train tonight who smelled like he crapped his pants. He was well dressed, seemingly well groomed, but whatever he had dropped before I sat down next to him was lingering in the fibers of his pants. It was however, the only empty seat at the time so I sat and tried my luck at waiting to see who got off at the next stop. I was lucky - three girls next to me got off, and I quickly moved two seats away from Senor SmellyPants. More people get on, a girl between he and I , three more people to my left, and another guy standing in front of me. The train starts rolling, but I am far enough away that SmellyPant's lingering odor is not in my personal space.
That is, until he cuts a fresh one.
It wasn't even like when you sniff and crinkle your nose and hold your breath for a second. This was more like an invisible sledgehammer of sewage straight to the olfactory senses. It was so bad the three people to my left - all farther away from this guy - were all holding their noses. And the guy standing in front of me actually held his arm up to his nose and said "Jesus Christ!" I myself was gasping for fresh air and was seriously mad that I had finished reading my book at lunch today so I didn't even have fiction to distract me from the nasal horror I was living.
Once the cloud had passed a bit - four stops later! - and I could get fresh oxygen circulating in my brain again, I got mad. I couldn't say anything to the guy - SmellyPants had vacated the train but I missed it because I think my eyes were clouded over with a film of stench. I am just sick and tired of smelling other people's ass on the train, or the bus. I do not pass gas on the train, and I expect the same courtesy from others! It is an enclosed space with no air circulation and extremely close personal contact - have a little freaking common courtesy! (The same thing goes for wearing deodorant, people. I know I have touched on this in older posts, but BO falls in the same category as train farts with me.) And if I am sitting, and you are standing, and I can actually hear the fart, please be aware that I am going to kick you in the shins. Be glad it's just a shin bruise and not me returning the stink favor.
On a brighter note, Bryan and I found Easter cake at the grocery store for half price tonight. Half-price cake does not make up for smelling other people's nastiness on the way home. But cake is awesome and half-price cake is cheap awesome, so we have to take what joys we can find in our day and raise them up, right?
Half Priced Cake!